I accidentally burped into my bong.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize