It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
