I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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