My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
