I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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