We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
