HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
