Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
