I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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