i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
