I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
