i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
