dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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