I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
my shit smells like andre
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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