even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
