$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
