Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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