And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
