I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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