my shit smells like andre
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
