I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize