She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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