That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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