If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
