it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
