FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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