:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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