I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
