I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
