after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
