I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
