well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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