the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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