I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
