It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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