oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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