Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
