Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
