We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
