i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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