So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
