just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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