remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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