For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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