I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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