I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
