We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
