ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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