I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's never too late to be topless.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize