No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
