You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
