WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
