Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
