okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
