I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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