so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
