hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
