Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
