I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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