I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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