yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
