The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
