guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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