Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
