Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
