i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
