i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
