I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize