my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
