If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
