worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
