i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
