last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
