You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
