Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
