In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
