Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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